When is the best time to have a child? How will it fit with your lifestyle and what impact will it have on your career? Is having a child before the age of 25 advisable when your career is perhaps still in its infancy but your fertility is at a premium, or is it better to wait until your 30s, as more people are choosing to do, when career paths and bank balances are likely to be more established.

Sharon, 36, is a lawyer, now working full-time processing claims for an insurance company as she juggles domestic duties (shopping, cleaning, ‘home admin') with ‘management' of her two-year-old son, Robbie.
She planned, in a vague way, to have children once she had established her career, but says she wouldn't have been ready before 35. “I don't know that you are ever ready,” explains Sharon, back from a hard day at work and feeding her tired son. “I wanted financial stability and the good life before becoming a parent.”

Now, she certainly has the income to finance a mortgage, trip to Italy for Christmas and the two nannies she needs to look after Robbie during the week. Her architect partner works six-and-a-half days, and the only hiccup in Sharon's career is that she feels she can not currently practise law. “Being a senior claims officer is stimulating, but not as demanding as working in the law,” she says.

Best time

Trends

Recent Australian statistics show that the average age of first-time mothers has climbed to above 30, and for first-time dads, 33. On current patterns, the Australian Bureau of Statistics predicts that that by 2008, the median age of mothers will reach 31.2.

The typical route following completion of secondary school is to go to university, get a job, perhaps begin a post-graduate degree or supplementary study, travel, establish a career, find a partner, buy a house then ponder the childhood issue.

Fewer are choosing to become parents earlier, like Zoe and Michael, 25 and 26 years respectively. “I always knew I wanted kids straight away,” says Zoe, an only child but now with two kids under five, and boosting the coffers with casual secretarial work “I didn't care so much about the money side of it, we make ends meet. If we'd waited until we were financially secure, we'd still be waiting.”

Her best friend, Eloise, a media and public relations coordinator, says she would never opt for the same plan and has given herself until her mid-30s to meet someone and procreate. If a suitable partner has not turned up, this Generation X-er will go it alone in parenthood…or that's the plan.

“I don't want to have to rely on meeting a man,” she declares. “But, I want to be financially independent before having children and this, to me, means not relying on a partner. Having a partner is not the deal-breaker, but having enough money is.”

Eloise says most of her Gen X peers want to see the world and get a qualification before settling down, closer in sentiment to her baby boomer parents, who were 27 when they got married and had Eloise a year later. “My parents dedicated their lives to having kids from 27 onwards, but then they didn't have their first overseas trip until they were 53.”

Jim and Lois Lethbridge, also in their 50s, are still waiting to have their first offshore holiday, having worked diligently in the education sector after having two children from the age of 25. “My parents were not particularly savvy with money,” says their daughter, Maggie, 26.

“They taught me to work hard to make ends meet and that you don't need anyone to make you happy. I think I am more conservative. I would like to have a partner and stability before kids, but then you are told not to leave it too late or you might not be able to have them.”

The choice to wait

In times gone by, women were virtually written off if they hadn't had a baby by the age of 21, and starting a tribe of 12 or more could have begun as early as puberty. Henry V111 certainly didn't care whether his six wives were 16 or 36, so long as they could provide a male heir, and in many modern dynasties this is still the sole expectation for the female partner.

However, the rules have since loosened up for the ‘commoners', and the decision-making over when to have a child can be complicated.

For instance, the feminist movement paved the way for more equality between the sexes and raised expectations for having ‘serious' and enduring careers, among other things.

Later came the warning that delaying child-bearing until the 40s carried its own risks. There is the question of feeling energetic enough to look after an active child, regardless of whether the parents are holding down a part-time or full-time job. Grandparents may be too old themselves to help out with childcare, or even entering a phase when they need more care themselves.

“A few years ago my (widowed) mother broke her hip when I was settling my five-year-old daughter into primary school,” says Margaret Wilson, 45, a human resources assistant. “I had to travel back and forth, looking for a suitable nursing home, make sure I made school pick-up and keep my job going at the same time – all as I was starting to hit menopause.”

Then there is the risk of infertility: one in six couples are infertile and fertility strikes one in three women over 35. In 40 per cent of cases, the problem lies exclusively with the male, 40 per cent with women, 10 per cent with both partners and in 10 per cent of cases the cause is unknown.

Professor Michael Capman, head of women and children's health at the University of NSW, says men may have to reconsider plans to delay fatherhood past their early 30s.

“Numbers don't decline that much, but the actual quality of what's inside the individual sperm starts to decline in the late 30s, going through into the 40s and 50s,” he says.

Women are most fertile between the ages of 20 and 24 years. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority's Your Guide To Infertility states that, “At 35 you're half as fertile as when you were 25; at 40 you're half as fertile as when you were 35.”

So what is the best time?

The simplest answer is, when you are physically, mentally and financially ready. For some people, this is never! Writes Jane on www.bluesuitmom.com , “I have been very successful in my career. I'm two positions from the top in a multi-national company and doing extremely well. I have never sensed a call to action to have children yet I find myself at a crossroad.”

If you've never had a desire to have children, there's no valid reason why you should. Some people know it is part of the overall ‘plan' from an early age, some people get bitten with the baby bug later on in life, and others are quite happy to remain childless.

This is one of the biggest decisions we make and can cause conflict between partners. In mulling over the decision, consider the following:

• Finances - Money isn't everything, but it costs an estimated $448,000 to raise two children from birth to age 20. That's around $200 a week to keep them housed, fed, entertained, clothed and educated. However, this figure – spread out over 20 years – may not appear so daunting and few parents put a price tag on such a valuable addition to their lives. Wealth and content are not always bedfellows. Some people never believe they have enough money to start a family while others go full steam ahead with very little and manage to make ends meet.  
  
• Career - Juggling parenthood with a career can be tricky, so consider what kind of support you can expect from your employer in the form of a maternity package (or paternity), returning on a part-time basis and flexibility of hours, if, for instance, you need to leave early to relieve your childminder. Could either parent afford to scale back their career for several years and be a stay-at-home mum or dad? It is certainly possible for both parties to keep their career bubbling along at a reduced level, so long as they keep up-to-date with latest developments/training in their chosen field.
   
• Emotional Readiness - Babies can turn your world around, but they aren't the solution to feeling unfulfilled, lonely, unloved or generally dissatisfied. Talk openly about your feelings with the other potential parent and try to discover if you are both on the same page about having children. Don't force your partner into parenthood, less it lead to resentment and threaten your relationship. Ideally, you need to feel stable and fulfilled if you're going to provide a baby with a loving home. However, many people who say they are reluctant to start a family change their minds when a child comes along.
  
• Lifestyle - Consider the practicalities - 3am feeds, thousands of nappy changes, reduced socialising the way you used to – children certainly alter your routine and there's no turning back. Infants become toddlers, young children, adolescents and teenagers. That being said, humans adapt quickly to changed circumstances and a lot of the reported stresses associated with having children are easier to bear when it's your own flesh and blood. As Zoe reports, “I actually became much more productive once I had kids. I have to be more organised and I have a great sense of achievement at the end of the night. Beforehand, I would have hung around watching TV. I actually feel more engaged with life now looking after my kids.”